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Article about how dating should be

Relationship experts share their best tips keeping things caszh. By Korin Miller and Stella Harris Updated: Mar 09, 2023 10:30 AM EST. Marko Geber // Getty Images.

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Women’s Health may earn commission from the links on this page, but we only feature products we believe in. Why Trust Us? Whether you’re figuring out what you want after a breakup or having the single summer of your life, sometimes, you just want to date without strings attached. Sound familiar? Well, casual dating might be for you. But first: What is a casual relationship, exactly? “Casual dating, in this day and age, is not as clear cut as it used to be,” says Yumnah Syed-Swift, LCSW, a licensed therapist and owner of Sufiyana Counseling Services. “Some people consider casual dating to include dating multiple people without the intention of settling down into a relationship. Others consider it an agreed-upon boundary [against] ‘catching feelings.’” Meet the Experts: Yumnah Syed-Swift, LCSW, is a licensed therapist and owner of Sufiyana Counseling Services . Lindsey Metselaar is a relationship expert specializing in millennial dating and the host of We Met at Acme podcast. In other words, before flirting with a potential fling, you need to define what dating casually is on your terms. Whether that means entering into short-term situationships or dating multiple people, the trick is making sure everyone is on the same page and shares similar expectations. Once you and your date(s) have a set definition, it’s also important to set clear boundaries from the get-go. If you leave things up for interpretation, it’s all too easy for those boundaries to get crossed and for one or more people to feel burned. Related Story. That said, there are plenty of benefits to seeing someone casually—it doesn’t have to get complicated as long as you set some ground rules and keep your expectations firm. So, how do you keep things easy-breezy while bolstering boundaries? Ahead, relationship experts break down the pros and cons of casual dating, offer some rules you might want to follow for successful not-so-serious relationships, and explain how to know if casual dating is right for you. (Psst, it is.) What are the pros and cons of casual dating? Navigating something as complex and personal as relationship styles is often difficult, and pros and cons can vary based on individual life experiences. That said, as an intimacy educator and professional dating coach, I’ve seen many common themes emerge surrounding the benefits and challenges of casual relationships over the years. So, without further ado, these are some pros and cons of casual dating, according to Syed-Swift and myself: Pros. Casual dating can remove the pressure of monogamy and the demands of an exclusive relationship, such as being expected to meet all of a partner’s needs. Casual dating may give you the freedom to discover what you want and don’t want from a relationship before getting serious. It can help you figure out your sexual wants and needs. Staying casual can mean you have more time to focus on other things in your life, like your friends, family, and career. Casual dating allows for more variety, including the opportunity to meet and experience multiple different people. Casual dating may provide a buffer against the emotional turmoil that can happen in more serious relationships. Cons. Carving out time in your schedule to go on dates with multiple people is time-consuming. Casual dating doesn’t always allow for the opportunity to explore a deeper connection, especially if one of your rules is to not “catch feelings.” It’s not always appropriate to bring someone you’re casually seeing as your plus one to big events like weddings. It may get repetitive, impersonal, and even boring. How often should you see someone you’re casually dating? While it would be nice if there was a one-size-fits-all answer to this question, dating experts can’t seem to agree on a specific schedule for how often you should see someone you’re dating casually. Simply, there’s no “magic formula on how much or how little you should see someone,” says Syed-Swift. “. Listen to your gut and go with what feels right for you. Different people have different boundaries.” How often you see someone will come down to the agreements you’ve made with each other, plus your overall dating and relationship goals. In polyamory circles, one term for a casual or occasional partner is a “comet.” Basically, someone you cross paths with now and then—perhaps when you’re in the same city—but with whom you’re not closely connected to between dates. In this case, you might see a casual partner once or twice a month, or, hey, even a whole year. Related Story. On the other end of that spectrum, some people choose to see a casual partner a few times a week. But if you’re seeing someone multiple times in the span of seven days, it can get easier to start relying on that connection and developing feelings. So it’s important to know how quickly you get attached—and whether that’s something you’re trying to avoid. What are some other tips for successful casual dating? Casual dating doesn’t have to be complicated—it can be quite simple, actually. Yet, these kinds of relationships may easier to manage if you keep these expert-informed tips in mind: 1. Make sure everybody involved knows the score. If you don’t want anything serious, it’s important that the person (or people) you’re dating know that. “Make it clear that you’re not looking for something serious from the beginning,” says Lindsey Metselaar, a relationship expert specializing in millennial dating and the host of the We Met at Acme podcast. “The other person then has the opportunity to say they aren’t interested in that, or to think it over and decide that they are.” You don’t need to make a huge declaration or even bring it up on the first date, but clearly saying something like, “I like spending time with you, but I want to make sure you know that I’m not looking for anything serious right now,” will help you articulate your goals and establish your boundaries. 2. Keep checking in. When it comes to relationships, you can’t just set it and forget it. Even if everyone was in agreement at the beginning of the arrangement, things change. So you’ll want to have regular conversations to make sure staying casual still feels good to all partners, and ensure no unspoken expectations are creeping in. It’s also a good idea to refresh safer sex agreements every so often, especially if someone decides to add new partners into the mix. (More on this later.) 3. Be honest with yourself. Check-ins and renegotiations only work if you’re being honest with yourself first. Sometimes, it’s tempting to agree to a situation that’s really not the best fit for you—whether that’s because you feel compelled to take whatever a hot crush is offering, or because it’s what you think you should want. But compromising on your own needs and boundaries isn’t sustainable, and can lead to drama and hurt feelings all around. 4. Make your safety a constant priority. Safety is a must in all relationships, but especially when engaging with newer and more casual partners—because you just don’t know as much about them. Safety can mean a lot of different things, including “sharing locations and information with friends and family, not letting a date pick you up at your home, and practicing safe sex if a date gets to that point,” says Syed-Swift. Related Story. Before meeting someone for the first time, take a screenshot of their dating profile or social media to send to a trusted friend. Also, let that person know when and where you’re meeting your date. Even better, give your friend a deadline for when you plan to check in, so they’ll have a heads-up if something goes awry. You may want to consider sharing your phone’s location and tracking info with at least one person, too. Another no-go: Giving out too much personal information, such as where you live, to a potential suitor. Make sure you meet in public so you can do a gut check before bringing a new person home with you. Safety matters in the bedroom, too.

How dating should be

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