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19 Expert Tips for How To Be Happy Alone and Enjoy Your Own Company. Therapists say learning how to be happy alone starts with setting goals, creating a daily routine, journaling, and limiting social-media use. Photo: Stocksy / Luis Herrera.

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Phone-Free February Calls for Breaking Up With Your Screen—Here’s Why You Should Try the Trend. Why Does It Feel So Good to Vent to ChatGPT? Your Low-Stress Guide to Leveling-Up Your Bedtime Routine. Somali-British poet Warsan Shire once wrote, “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” To someone who’s learned to love their “me” time, this sentiment likely resonates, but for those who struggle with feelings of loneliness or isolation, the thought of actually enjoying solitude might seem like an alien concept. In a society that glorifies being in a relationship and maintaining an active social life, being single (or even having alone time) can feel like a personal failure—but learning how to be happy alone, say mental health experts, can set us free from that unnecessary shame. Experts in This Article. author and co-host of the Spiritually Hungry podcast. a licensed clinical psychotherapist and mental health, sex, and relationship educator. licensed mental health counselor and owner of Buxani Counseling Care. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to find a romantic partner, it’s helpful to keep in mind that until you get there, it’s absolutely possible to be happy without one. In fact, even if you do have a partner, your happiness shouldn’t hinge entirely on being around them, anyway (which is one good reason why to date yourself, regardless of your relationship status). As it turns out, learning how to enjoy your own company is as much a skill as learning to enjoy anyone else’s, even if you feel like you really know yourself. Below, mental health experts share how to escape the feelings of loneliness that can come with being alone (and why those two things aren’t the same) and reveal all their best tips for how to be (truly, really) happy alone. Is it okay to be alone? It is absolutely okay to be alone. Not only is being alone okay, it’s also incredibly common. A 2023 United States Census Bureau report revealed that nearly 30 percent of all U.S. households in 2020 were one-person households, a number that has increased every decade since 1940. Plus, nearly half of all U.S. adults are single, that’s about 117.6 million people. As for whether being alone is okay for your health, scientific research supports two distinct points: 1. Human connection is paramount for our well-being, and 2. Spending quality time alone is beneficial for our minds and bodies, too. One 2023 study 1 exploring the effects of daily solitude (and the balance of solitude versus social time) on well-being in nearly 200 people found that on days when the participants spent more time alone, they experienced less stress and a greater sense of positive autonomy (aka feeling like they could make choices of their own volition and without pressure from others). That being said, humans cannot thrive (nay, survive) without having meaningful connections with other humans. Research proves 2 that social connection has the power to improve so many aspects of our physical and mental health. Social connection is so important, in fact, that isolation has been linked to premature death from all causes—a risk that, according to the CDC, “rivals the effects of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity.” That’s all to say, while there is certainly an upside to having alone time (and it’s possible to learn how to be happy when you’re alone), it is not recommended to be alone all of the time or to be totally isolated. As for exactly how much time is optimal to spend alone and with others on a regular basis? That’ll be unique to you, based on how you personally perceive your social interactions and your alone time. Whereas some people prefer to shift the ratio toward social time, others will have a natural disposition in the opposite direction because of the subjective nature of feeling lonely versus simply being alone. Is being alone the same as being lonely? Being “alone” and being “lonely” mean two totally different things. Whereas being alone means you are physically by yourself or not in the company of others, being lonely, by contrast, is a feeling of sadness revolving around a real or perceived lack of social connection. As a result, the two states of being don’t always coincide: Not all people who are alone are lonely, and not all lonely people are alone. Loneliness can be present even when you’re physically surrounded by people or spending a lot of time with others, it’s a mindset of feeling disconnected, regardless of how much time you might actually be spending alone. Indeed, “you can be in a relationship and be lonely,” says relationship coach, author, and podcaster Monica Berg. It’s for that reason that finding a romantic partner or spending more time with friends or family members isn’t always an instant balm for loneliness, you might be less alone , sure, but you could still feel lonely. While part of busting loneliness will involve forming and deepening genuine connections with others, the other part involves learning how to be happy alone. How can I be happy when I am lonely? According to Berg, feeling happier when you’re lonely starts with self-love. “The secret to combat loneliness is to have a great relationship with yourself,” she says. “When you like who you are, you’re not going to have that overwhelming pain of being lonely.” “When you like who you are, you’re not going to have that overwhelming pain of being lonely.” —Monica Berg, relationship coach. If you’re single and most of your friends are in relationships, it’s easy to assume that your single status is the primary driver behind prolonged feelings of loneliness. But, remember: Just as being alone does not equate to loneliness, being in a relationship does not equate to automatically feeling connected. “A romantic relationship, in and of itself, is never going to fix [loneliness] or make you feel whole or complete,” says Berg. Rather than focusing your attention on finding someone else to absolve your feelings of loneliness, “invest in your relationship with yourself ,” says Berg. “The only thing that will make you not lonely is when you really have a strong sense of self.” (And the same thing applies if you’re in a relationship but looking to feel happier and less lonely when you’re alone.) A total mindset shift like this is easier said than done—but certain lifestyle changes can help. To help you adjust, ahead are 21 research-backed, expert-approved tips for how to mitigate feelings of loneliness and actually be happy alone. 19 tips for how to be happy alone. 1. Set personal goals. A great way to focus on your relationship with yourself—whether you’re single, in a romantic relationship, or otherwise—is to set goals for yourself and steadily work toward achieving them. “These goals can be personal, career-related, financial, or educational,” says therapist Rachna Buxani-Mirpuri, LMHC, owner of Buxani Counseling Care. 2. Create a daily routine. When you’re in an emotional funk, adhering to a regular schedule can keep you focused and on track, helping you push through more difficult days as they appear. Indeed, research shows 3 that adhering to a regular routine can lead to greater resilience in the face of future stressors. Plus, establishing a solid morning routine can give you something to look forward to at night, when loneliness tends to creep up for many people. 3. Prioritize self care. Self care can mean many things, but Buxani-Mirpuri says paying special attention to movement, nutrition, and meditation are all especially worthwhile ways to take care of your body, mind, and soul.

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